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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

B&E!!

It happened to me!...kind of.

That's correct! Hide your kids, hide your wives, and hide your husbands cause they raping errbody out here!

So one of my best friends Blair was staying with me in Calgary for a few days, and on his last evening there was quite the occurrence. It's two in the morning, I'm sound asleep in my bedroom, and all of a sudden I get a phone call from Blair in the living room.

"Dude, why are you calling me? You're right there." I said in a groggy manner. ( I'm going to tell this story as if it were a novel...maybe...haven't decided yet. )

" Well, I'm in my ginch, and I'm not wearing my leg right now. OH, and there is some woman walking around in your house right now, not sure if you know her or not but I can't see her and you should get out here. " He said, somewhat lengthily. ( Blair has a prosthetic leg, which is why he wouldn't wear it...maybe you guys should get a prosthetic FACE! )

Sure enough, I walk into my kitchen and turn the lights on, and there is this strange, possibly coked out, woman, AND SHE'S EATING MY FOODS! So I said what any man says when his house is being threatened.

" Uhhhh, Hi? Whatcha doin?" ( Yeah I said it, don't fuck with me! )
She tried to tell me that she was just hanging out with Blair... I called bullshit, on account of him telling me previously he had no idea who she was. Then she tried to tell me she was friends with the people downstairs, also a dirty, dirty lie. And after a few minutes of the weirdest conversation of my life, I finally got the psycho to leave my house out the door she came. (F.Y.I- it wasn't my door that was unlocked, but the downstairs tenants...don't worry mom I practice safety.)

And thus ends my adventure with the crazy lady...nuts right? BYE!

Drug addicts will suck your "soul" for money.

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