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I like talking, so much so that now I have both a Vlog AND a Blog. You're welcome, internet.

Monday, September 26, 2011

A Bored Bloggers Ballad

Twas early this evening, I'd nothing to do.
So I went to my basement, and saw the smitten two.
Magic was played, not by me, but by some.
We tried to watch football, but with both teams, we were done.

So the wife made a query, " Hey, how about some TV?
HIMYM is on? " and her man said, " Fine with me "
So we all took a scamper, and fetched ourselves mead,
then we watched a great story, filled with lust, love, and tweed.

But sadly, unlike me, the two must wake at dawn.
"Well, I'm off to bed." The man said, with a yawn.
And thus, here I sit. Up with you, dear sweet...net.
But the night is not over, I can still watch porn yet.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Goodbye Liquor...

Herro Interwebs,

Today is an important day for me, as it is the day that I say goodbye to alcohol. I know, I know, some of you only ever see me when we're drinking, and it pains me to say that I'll probably never see you again...huh....it didn't pain me to say that half as much as I thought it would. I have a new volleyball season starting tomorrow, and Wushu starts this weekend, so it is in my best interest to cut out the drinking out at the clubs and bars and house parties. ( Ok I don't really go to house parties, I hate them in fact, but now I REALLY won't be going to them. )

Now beer, I know you're thinking " But Lance, we've been so good together. Are you really just going to up and leave me??" Fear not, my liquid friend, I will still be able to have the evening beer with dinner or whilst I watch sports. It's just in public outings where I would normally drink you heavily that we can no longer be together, we'll be secret friends! Like with that hunchbacked kid at school!

Well, all goodbye's aside, I'm gonna go play at the gym.

Alcohol dulls your soul's reflexes.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

It's only gay if you make eye contact.

Herro Interwebs,
Today is Saturday, and a lovely one at that, but here I sit inside my house cleaning and blogging.( In that order, not that I feel the need to pay attention to dirt before you, sweet internets, I love you. ) I find myself a bit irked that I am spending my afternoon cleaning, when I could of been getting a freaking pedicure! After my shift ended last night, a couple of my servers conned me into going over for a couple of drinks. This turned into maany drinks, and in our drunken stupor we decided that we would all get pedicures today. ( awesome, right? HEY! YOU DON'T SEE ME JUDGING YOU, DO YA?! )

Now somehow we managed to stay up until six, watching people spill drinks, and then catching them with their mouth before they managed to fall to the floor. So when I finally fell asleep it wasn't until 13:00 that I woke up,( Fuck you I'm using 24 hour time, deal with it. ) only to find the house empty, save for one guy sleeping on another couch. Is it a little gay that I'm upset that noone woke me up to go get our footsies tended to?!?!
So I bailed, came home, and began cleaning. Thanks alot, you-know-who-you-are! And don't say you tried to wake me up, because while I can ( and have done so ) sleep through and earthquake, I'm sure a couple nudges would of had me up!

Pedicures scrape the calluses off of your soul.