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I like talking, so much so that now I have both a Vlog AND a Blog. You're welcome, internet.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Stupid things from Ignorant people! Volume 1

Hi everyone, I'm famed Assassin/Home Decorating phenom Lance Taylor, and I'm here to talk about nothing for absolutely no reason.

First on our agenda is a story from my workplace. I'm at work last night closing the bar, and onto the stereo comes Frank Sinatra's " Lady is a Tramp " ( a personal favorite of mine ). Now my cocktail server for the evening ( who can only be 3 or 4 years younger than myself ) says to me, " This song reminds of really old people wearing loafers in a gym or bingo hall, all shuffling around together " ( This might be paraphrased but it's pretty spot on.) I, being the take-no-guff man that I am, naturally jump to the Chairman's defense.Now after a few minutes of back and forth, civilized debate, we decide to bring a third party into the conversation. In comes another member of our younger staff, this one maybe a couple years + - myself. Now my given scenario for Frankie's song was simple, a nice jazz lounge with a piano based band on stage, possibly with a girl in a red dress sitting on the piano singing alongside. The new member of our debate, trying to please both of us, just takes the " bingo hall/loafers " scene, and changes it to a  " senior vacation destination/loafers "scene. Am I insane for being severely disappointed in our generation?

Stay tuned next week for " Why it's stupid when girls draw a moustache on their finger" !

Jazz music soothes the soul

Monday, August 22, 2011

Holy Nostalgia! A blog about nothing!

Herroooo Interwebs!

So here I am sitting in my living room, watching DOA the movie, yes Dead or Alive. Don't judge me, I was a fan of the video games!( Not the volleyball ones, though they did give me half a chub as a kid, but the fighting style games ) And I'm finding myself entertained, which kind of makes me sad.

Alright so this is the longest a blog has ever taken me, I keep pausing to freaking watch this horrible movie that I seem to be enjoying. It turns out they've found a way to incorporate the volleyball into this movie....one more sad face for this guy!

Aaand it's done, it has officially taken me the entire length of this movie to write this blog, the gratuitous violence and scantily clad women officially turned me into a tv zombie, so much so that I didn't even say anything this whole blog! Thanks for nothing, Internet!!! . ( And I thought I had more class than that )

Boobs distract your soul.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Something to do

I'm back bitches! ( mom you're not a bitch I don't know why I said that )

So I'm sitting in Lethbridge in my friends 'Studio' ( It's a basement ) While his band practices before their show tonight. And I thought " BLOG ! " I really enjoy their  music, but I needed something to keep my hands busy while they play. ( Normally if I listen to it at the bar I have a beer in my hands...and at home, well lets face it, there isn't a time when I'm at home when my hand ISN'T on my penis )

So tonight is the last night of my vacation, and I've never drank so much beer in one week in my life. That is probably a lie but it's less dramatic if I say " I've drank more beer in one week than I did this week probably 4 or 5 times in my life! " Got a whole lot of nothing done, spent a lot of money and TRIED...tried... to get some quizzes done for work, but the program wasn't working on my laptop, so I drank...heavily.

Alcohol inhibits your soul's reflexes